I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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