Girls should come with a carfax report
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
