shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
