im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
