moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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