i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
