i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
