the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
there was a trapeze. enough said
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
this hospital has no fireball
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
