why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
