Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
