You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
