I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
