I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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