walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
