I hate your face
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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