she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
