Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
