Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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