i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
