when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
