It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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