So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
