Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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