goodnight i made you a song goodbye
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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