Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
