Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
