so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
