i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
