my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
