Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
