either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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