She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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