Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize