He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
do herpes really smell.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This is the high leading the old right now
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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