I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
