Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
