why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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