I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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