i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
