my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dignity is for republicans.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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