Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
