I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
