Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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