do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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