literally had 100 drinks last night.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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