Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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