i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
