I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
