Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize