New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
