There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize