his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
