Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
