I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
