You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I need moral support for this bender
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
