and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
