you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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