I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
