He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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