My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
