its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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