There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
