He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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