i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
