and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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