Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Randomize
