He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
